inspiration & courage

slept in from a long long days work yesterday, very sore today
got in a cleaning mood, did that for quite a while
finally got some christmas shopping done
and got to hang out with some sweet sweet friends and make fajitas at my place

I need to get back to blog land, following people, reading, getting inspired...
today I am inspired by my friend Jessica from art school and her blog:

Truthful Art in the Making

she has not only been inspiring, but also an encourager of my new outlook on my blog and my career, I appreciate all the sweet comments from readers lately,
its so wonderful to hear from you

Now I am watching Little Women and just finished wrapping Christmas gifts (still have a few more to buy of course) and loved this quote from Fredrick Bhaer to Jo

"you should be writing from life, from the depths of your soul, there is nothing in here of the woman I am privileged to know... there is more to you than this, if you have the courage to write it"

splatters, droppers, and coffee aroma all day

I was recently asked to do a rather large project... making 38 signs for Passion that are around 6-9 ft each ... needed to be done before Christmas break which for me is in like 4 days. whew...



But I feel like there are times that my heart is pulled to do something. My church in Nashville was really big on the word SERVE. honestly the balance of doing a few things for free and whether or not to make my case that I work full time making a living at my artwork and cannot do things for free is hard for me. I am not sure how to describe what I am about to say, but I feel as if I am in a season of being humbled, which is good. I have been praying for guidance on where to take my artwork next. but as I have not been totally bombarded with Christmas commissions like past years, I could give my time to my new church to serve them by painting these signs.
it completely took over our entire tiny apartment! haha, any time im frustrated with not having a large studio space, i remind myself how someday loyd and i will look back on this little place as a really sweet season in our lives that was simple and fresh...

I finished my part of the project today, I did the splatters splotches and smears with black paint mixed with water in droppers and spray bottles, and coffee with droppers, brushes, and spray bottles... I felt like Jackson Pollock all day, it was freeing, therapeutic, and fun to make a HUGE mess on something I knew I had no pressure to sell or perfect... a knee, hip, and back ache later... they are finished!

plus I made some new friends who helped, which is always a blessing!

re-arrange

i finally rearranged my studio in a way i like,
im hoping this helps me think and be and feel productive...

since opening up my table so its large, I can stand behind it and I have finished several commissions, YAY! may be some my last ones...

the separation of work & play

In the interest of blogging every day, here are my thoughts today...


recently changed my outlook on my twitter account, I was reluctant to get one at all and eventually got one to use for my artwork.

it was later I realized that was boring. Who wants to only hear from me about my artwork? My friends would want to hear other things, and if there were actually people out there who follow me because they like my artwork, wouldn't they like to know other things too? I wish some of my favorite artists and writers had accounts so I could follow them- work or play.

I am not sure why I am just now realizing I should do that with my blog too? what was I thinking? With that in mind... I would love to share with you some recent photos of a major trip I took in my life to Africa! I went with a group of women and we worked with Baby Watoto. Watoto has an AMAZING vision for rescuing babies and children that are abandoned or orphaned because of aids and war... their vision is

RESCUE A CHILD
RAISE A LEADER
REBUILD A NATION

sweet mary, the first baby i fell in love with

one of the funniest things that happend while we were there,
witnessing potty training with little bitties

look at those bellies!!

one day we got to take the babies on a walk, imagine that- 14 white women walking with little Ugandan babies on their hips down the city streets, a LOT of stares...so funny! one person riding by on his motorcycle said "WATOTO!!" haha...

a lady we walked by in the mall smiled and said "thank you for taking care"
they spoke so eloquently and sweet there, I miss it

my baby on the walk was Noah, one of the triplets!

noah made me laugh a lot that day, full of life!

Mary has the CUTEST LAUGH

just a typical day at Baby Watoto at Bulrushes... they feed SO many babies at one time, the nannies there are incredible... I don't know how they do it without all the extra hands we brought

sweet Leiyla, my love... i wanted to bring her home with me

Leiyla and Nellie enjoying "ride little horsey" game

Eva gets a turn

Watoto has a wonderful model with their Childrens Villages, their children arent intended to be adopted, they give them a home and a mother. the mothers are widows... (an amazing way to care for widows and orphans all in one, huh?) and each mother has a max of 8 children, when one of them grows up and leaves after college, they get a new baby from Baby Watoto

the houses in the villages are in circles of 8 so the mothers have close friends in their circle and those kids play together, they have schools in each village and about 700-900 children in each village...

Mary (above) and Leiyla (below) will be in my heart forever I think... their precious faces and sweet cuddles... they will always be with me.precious. just precious.
her "mommy" (the nannies are mommies to 3-4 babies each so the babies get attached) told her to "sing a song about Jesus for mommy(referring to me)" she waited until no one was listening, and quietly to me she started to sing softly when I said, "Jesus..." she goes "loves me...I know" and she kept going, especially on "yessss...loves me... Yes....loves me"
I about died. sweetest moment ever.

My December 12 Resolution!

I have a sense of transition coming along in my life. I am not sure what that will look like exactly, but I am very excited to see where it will take me, but a little scared too. You know when you just feel like change is in the air? Something is not right.

Honestly, I have felt a lot of discouragement and rejection with my work lately, but I know it will not stay this way. I have been humbled, confused, frustrated, and unsure...rejected... and I have felt this urge to be honest. deep down honest on my blog. I have wanted to read other artists blogs, and this is what I wish they were like, so why would I be anything different?

I feel like I am making a new years resolution on December 12! haha, but truly... I am longing for that kind of change and that includes blogging. I want to blog more because I love journaling and it helps me process thoughts in my studio. I feel like as I say this I can see Monica from Friends making fun of Rachels journaling new years resolution "January 1, dear diary, I am going to write in you EVERY DAY" then mocks as she flips the blank pages of rest of the journal.

I am sick of self promotion, advertising, and trying to sell older work and collages that I am not passionate about. I am over it. I am considering simplifying my website to what I consider my "serious" work. simplify my life, focus on my series Spills and Coverings, new things, new ideas, a new direction- I want to RUN WITH IT!

Do any other artists out there feel like they are expected to sell their work for less than its worth? Do things for people for free that take a lot of time and energy? I feel like artists, and writers and musicians for that matter.... are taken advantage of because of their gifts. But I feel guilty even saying I have a cold if I am around someone who is a doctor, worried they are going to think I want them to diagnose me for free... it reminds me of that Seinfeld episode where George is so mad and keeps saying "dont bother the delicate genius!!!" But if I tell someone that I cannot do things for free, I feel like they think I am arrogant and don't have a willing heart.

This reminds me of something I read the other day where a musician was saying she was "barely making a living"... I just laughed. This is so true.

I also feel like I hate when blogs talk to much and don't post photos. (like this one so far) I bet most people will skip over this post the way I do on those other blogs! haha.. but its out there, I needed to type it and put it out there.... but for the heck of it, how about a new photo of my favorite season of the year, Autumn...