I keep getting stuck in this rut of not being open and vulnerable on my blog. The whole reason I blog is because it helps
me think through my work, my processes, and perhaps it would interest someone else to see more of the process. So if I am not open and honest, who am I even helping? I've noticed sometimes it helps me write if I pretend I am writing to someone who I am very open with.
Dear Amy,
This is my fourth year working full time in my studio and to be honest this year has been a bittersweet one with my career. So I have questioned my purpose often, and really been asking myself
why a lot. Not in a depressing, "I quit" sort of way (although I must admit I have had a couple of down days and allowed myself to sink a bit), but more in a philosophical sort of way-- why do I do what I do? What does it mean to me to be an artist?
I even questioned whether or not I could just make pretty things for
people to buy because they were pretty, is that what the galleries are
wanting? Is that what people are buying? Should I care about this?
I was in a festival the other day and I feel like my work was well received overall, but a lot of individual reactions were comical at the time, but also thought provoking:
"Well that's... interesting"
"I had to come take a close look at that.... never seen anything like that before"
"What... is that?"
"Why did you start cutting holes in your paintings?"
"How in the world did you come to do this?"
"I don't know much about art, but this is interesting, but what does it mean?"
It was almost like being in school again in a critique and it was
so good to have to explain myself and put it all together. It really helped me connect the dots. After questioning my career and considering what to do next, I have come to realize a few things about my perspective on art. To me, my artwork has to be:
1. aesthetically pleasing AND conceptual (not to mention meaningful to me)
2. part of a series of pieces, thoughts, concepts (even if these overlap)
3. the process of the work is important to the meaning of each piece
4. the way each piece is presented does not have to be exactly the same
I do think that I need to put a little less pressure on myself in my studio. It is work. art. work. but, it has to be enjoyable, inspiring, and an adventure that I am eager to stay in. I had a portfolio review a few years back and she asked me where I wanted to go in my career-- did I want to paint stuff that people would buy to put over their couch?
no, but I do want to sell my work and make a living doing what I love. or did I want to be famous (what does this even mean nowadays?) and edgy in my work to get attention?
no. not interested in political, edgy, weird, stuff that drove me insane at art school. or did I want to be the type of artist that was both and fit somewhere in between.
yes, please.
Still thinking through it all...